Winter's Verge Forum

Hey everyone..
This is just a little thing I wrote some time ago
I decided to share it with everyone
This poem is based on real events and emotions, even though it seems imaginative...
Everything is symbolic and has a meaning
I wanna thank Winter's Verge for being an isnpiration to me
Anyway here it goes:

==========Immorally Immortal============
Vampire:
Veins of frozen blood
This is the story of my heart
A thousand days I've spent
Counting the moons you slept
Pain is what I grow
Scream of a black crow
Tears of a lonely man
On a hunt for a fallen spark

Werewolf:
I can see the moon on the black sky
The lunar light falls into my eye
A glorious sign, yet I cry
Make no mistake immortal one
I too have a molten heart

Vampire: You got claws of the beast
Werewolf: I feel those fearsome teeth
Vampire: Fur of steel
Werewolf: Pale skin
Vampire: Tail of grey
Werewolf: Shady cape
Vampire: I lust for your blood!
Werewolf: Come and feel my wrath!

Angel:
STOP!
This is not the way, can't you see?
Nothing will change should you bleed
Quit this both of you at once!
Please, it's just some ignorance...

Vampire:
Uncertain it may seem
It is your last wish
I cannot fight this fellow man
If you desire not, my lovely one
I walk away from this field
Lost the battle with my deeds
Eternal pain was my destiny
Blood spills for a desired insanity
I've gazed upon this cruel humanity
All I've ever asked was for some serenity
My heart lusts for some unknown morality
I only got this melancholic immortality

very good panik, it actually reminds me of recent iced earth songs o.O

Runescape quest? :D

Get a life re koko loool
Nice re panik

aah kokos, i missed our good runescape times

Ok here is my opinion:
I like the emotions you are setting and I certainly feel the vibe but you choose the wrong way to express it. Quite honestly I feel like vampire, werewolf and angel don't quite cut it. If I were you I would use something like a triple personality person or my own version of Jekyll and Hyde. One for rage, one for being hurt and the other the voice of sanity. I like the feelings but I don't like the way they are portrayed.

Well, the poem reflects the story of 3 people
That's why I used 3 different characters